In many instances, pupils welcome the opportunity to have their parents support them through their eating disorder, and parents are supportive and helpful when approached by the school. In these cases, the three way relationship between parent, school and pupil is fundamental in terms of offering a structured system of reliable support that helps a pupil through the period of recovery.
“I don’t know what I’d have done without my mum and dad. They knew when I was down and they would always offer their help which meant I could get through the hard times easier than if I was trying to manage on my own.” (James, 15)
However, in some instances, pupils are reluctant for parents to be informed, and not all parents are receptive to the issue.
“I wouldn’t talk to my teacher about my problems because she’d just tell my mum and I’d hate that.” (Amy, 13)
“I called Mia’s Mum and she just laughed at me saying I was being over dramatic and that her daughter did not have a problem. She said she was encouraging her to diet or she’d never get a boyfriend.” (Form Tutor)
“Some parents are fantastic but I’ve received verbal and physical abuse from the less receptive parents who tend to think that your suggestion that their daughter might have anorexia is actually your way of accusing them of poor parenting.” (Head Teacher)
So how can we best work with parents to support pupils with eating disorders?
Clearly, it’s not altogether straight forward. I’ve talked to many pupils, parents and teachers and am working on some guidelines on this topic (which I’ll share soon) I’d love your input too (please leave a comment or email eatingisordersadvice@gmail.com)
I’d be especially keen to hear from you if you are:
- A parent of a child with an eating disorder:
Has your child’s school done a good job of working with you?
How best can parents and schools work together to support children?
- A teacher who has collaborated with a parent to support a child:
Have you had any positive / negative experiences?
Do you have any best practice to share?
- An eating disorders sufferer:
Do you think your school should work with your parents to help you?
Have you had any particularly good or bad experiences?
By Brittany February 20, 2024 - 7:33 pm
I’m 21, and developed Anorexia at the age of 16. For me I was homeschooled and didn’t admit to my problem until about 6 months ago. I told my parents, just to get it out, after I told my GP. I am glad I did, because it made me accountable, and I think it’s the number one factor in me recovering. Keeping it secret just made me want to stay stuck in the same place. However, my parents were not remotely supportive, and got very upset with me for being so open. They were embarrassed and ashamed. My advice would be to leave it up to the student, but explain that if they don’t make some progress you may need to inform the parents. I knew my parents wouldn’t be helpful, but others convinced me they would…I don’t regret it, for the mere fact that it being out in the open made it harder to cling to. That being said, there were (and still are) many times I wish I would have kept it to myself. I also would leave it up to the student who to inform. With me, I felt like I wanted to be open with everyone, and stop hiding. I didn’t want to feel ‘dirty’ and ‘shameful’, because I understood it was beyond my control, however out of respect for my parents I kept it hidden from many people. I hope this made some sense, I feel as though I’m being very incoherent. If you have any questions, feel free to email or tweet me, I’m more than willing to answer questions from the ED sufferer’s perspective. =)
By admin February 20, 2024 - 9:19 pm
Wow, it sounds like you’ve had a really difficult time. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experiences here.
After all those years, what made things change 6 months ago?
I hope your recovery is going well and that you have some good support even if it’s not forthcoming from your parents. X
By Natasha October 27, 2024 - 6:06 pm
When I was at secondary school (from ages 11-16) I suffered with EDNOS with anorexic tendencies for the majority of the time I was there. When I was 14, I emailed my tutor and explained that I struggling. I didn’t want to say it to her face because I was fully ready. Anyway, me and her had a chat and she told the guidance teacher/ school counsellor and they got me counselling and got me to visit the school nurse. That was all going fine but when my parents found out (no fault of my school - a friend told them) they got angry and didn’t support me at all but the school did. They understood that this was a continuous struggle whereas my parents assumed that I was recovered as soon as I went to the GP. They didn’t support me at all they never asked how I felt, how I saw myself etc. They acted as if they didn’t believe me. When it comes to my recovery, I always say that my school tutor/counsellor/nurse was the biggest (and only) support I received and I will always be grateful for that.
Feel free to tweet me/email me, happy to answer any questions on it.