A good relationship with parents can make a huge difference when you’re supporting a pupil with an eating disorder. The pupil, their parents and the school should all be working together towards the common goal of helping the pupil to recover. However, pupils are often reluctant for their parents to be informed and involved for a variety of reasons.
Listen carefully to objections
In most instances, it is important to overcome the pupil’s objections so that parents can be involved in their recovery, however, it is important to listen carefully to their objections before dismissing them because very occasionally they may present a valid reason why a parent should not be informed. For instance, their eating disorder may be in response to abuse they are suffering at home. Here are some suggestions for overcoming common objections you’re likely to face:
They won’t understand
This is a really common concern for students who may be at an age where they feel at quite a distance from their parents. They may feel that their parents won’t understand the problem and will be in no position to help or support so there is not point in telling them. In this instance you need to explain to the student that their parents probably won’t understand right away - but it’s unlikely that anyone could – do they think that even their best friend can REALLY understand? Explain that their parents will want to learn to understand and to offer their support. Make it clear that you’ll be there to support the student whilst they explain things to their parents.
I don’t want to worry them
Students often believe that by keeping their eating disorder secret from their parents, this will prevent them worrying about it. You should gently explain to the student that it is likely that their parents are already worried about them – perhaps mention tell-tale signs that had got you worried which their parents will probably have noticed too. Then explain that by telling their parents about their eating disorder it will help them to worry LESS because you’ll all be working together to do something positive about it.
They’ll be angry
Parents are quite likely to get either angry or upset when they learn about their child’s eating disorder. This is a normal reaction to being told such emotional news about someone you love. Explaining to your student that this phase will be very short-lived and will rapidly be followed by a concerned but supportive attitude will help them to realise that telling their parents is not such a bad idea. Reiterate that you are happy to support the student and help them talk to their parents and discuss how you can make the meeting as calm as possible. Lots of tea and tissues and an informal set up usually help.
Other posts you might find useful:
Eating disorders policy for use in your school
Practical listening skills when talking to someone with an eating disorder
Understanding barriers to eating disorders disclosures in school
What should you say when a young person confides in you about an eating disorder
