What not to say to recovering anorexics

This can be adapted to help you adopt the correct approach when talking to pupils recovering from bulimia or binge eating disorder as well. A great degree of sensitivity is needed when interacting with a young person recovering from any form of eating disorder. Their self-esteem is very low and they are in a very vulnerable position where they will believe and blow out of all proportion even the slightest negative comment (or even positive comments which they may reinterpret as negative). Here are some key flashpoints to avoid.

Avoid commenting on the pupil’s appearance

During the recovery process, it can be very easy for eating-disordered thoughts to be triggered by someone saying or doing the wrong thing, even if they mean well. Almost any comment on appearance can be reinterpreted by the pupil as, ‘You’re fat’.

Well-meaning comments such as. ‘You’re looking healthy’; ‘It’s great to see some colour in your cheeks’; ‘You must feel better now you have more energy’ are all open to misinterpretation. It’s best to avoid any comment at all on a pupil’s appearance.

Consider lesson content

It’s also important to be sensitive to tasks in class that may be difficult for the recovering pupil and to consider altering your scheme of work as necessary. Any tasks involving food, healthy eating and exercise, weighing or measuring the body in any way, or discussion of eating disorders are best avoided. If this is not possible, show the pupil all of the materials beforehand and allow them to opt out if they prefer.

Don’t define them by their eating disorder

Especially if a pupil has been very ill, it can be difficult to remember almost anything about the eating disorder which has consumed them for so long. You must try and avoid this though. The pupil will not want to be constantly bombarded with questions about their eating disorder or even have to put up with continuous oblique references to it. Instead make an effort to remember the pupils’ strengths and interests before their eating disorder took over and drive conversation here wherever possible.

Helpful things to say and do

Many teachers can feel so worried about saying or doing the wrong thing that they end up almost avoiding students they know to have eating disorders. What these pupils really need is to feel supported, included, valued and treated like ‘normal’ members of the class.

‘My maths teacher said, ‘How can I support you in my lessons?’ and he took the time to listen to the answers and support me as I asked. That was fantastic.’

‘I’d alienated my friends, so in group work there was no one to work with really. One teacher noticed and instead of letting us pick our groups he did it randomly which was better.’

‘She just treated me normally whilst everyone else treated me with kid gloves. She even gave me a detention. I was kind of proud. Normal kids get detention…’

‘If something tough was coming up, my psychology teacher scratched her ear to warn me. If I wasn’t feeling up to it I left for a few minutes and no one said a word.’

‘It only got a B, but my teacher read it out and praised it. Then I was proud of my B!’

The take home message is to try and treat recovering pupils as normally as possible and to put a positive emphasis on their achievements even if they are not at the level a pupil would have strived to have achieved in the past.

This video put together by a recovered anorexic explores various things that people said or did that were unhelpful. Worth a watch if you want to get a deeper understanding:

Other posts you might find helpful

What is anorexia?

Anorexia: recovery isn’t easy but it IS possible

Tackling the eating disorders taboo in school

What can teachers do to help pupils with eating disorders

Teaching pupils about eating disorders