Whilst most parents will be keen to support the school in helping their child receive appropriate support for their eating disorder, some parents will respond negatively thinking that you are trying to blame them for the problem, that you are blowing things out of proportion or that the school has no business being involved.
Below, I’ve outlined 3 of the most common negative reactions you’re likely to encounter from parents and how to respond.
Parents think you’re blaming them for their child’s difficulties
It’s quite common for parents to think that you’re pointing the finger at them and that’s why you want them to be involved.
You should accept that the news may come as a horrible shock to parents and calmly explain that no blame is intended. You think they are good parents, which is why you’re seeking their support and help.
Useful phrases include:
“No one is to blame for Amy’s illness, not Amy, not us and not you.”
“You are clearly very supportive parents, that’s why we called you.”
“Amy is very lucky to have supportive parents such as yourselves.”
“We’re not interested in attributing blame, we just want to help Amy get better and we’re sure you can help.”
Parents think you’re blowing the problem out of proportion
Some parents will minimise the problem or refuse to accept that there is an issue at all. In this instance you need to explain exactly what is causing your concern and why you think there is an issue. Parents who react like this are sometimes unaware of the existence of eating disorders. You may need to help them learn about such disorders and their ramifications.
Useful phrases include:
“You’re right, not everyone who goes on a diet has an eating disorder, but in James’ case there are certain warning signs that tell us he’s taken things too far.”
“James may be in the very early stages of an eating disorder but he is far likely to recover completely and be able to get on with his schoolwork and his life if we address his problems early.”
“The reason we’re worried about James is because we’ve noticed that….”
Parents don’t think the school should be involved
Occasionally a parent will feel that this type of concern is beyond the school’s remit and should be dealt with solely at home. Explain how the school will be able to offer support and guidance and discuss with them, on a basic level, that as the child spends half their time in school, the school does need to be involved as eating disorders continue 24 hours a day.
Useful phrases include:
“We’re keen to work with you and support you – we really think we can help.”
“If we all work together to support Sandra, she is far more likely to get better.”
“We’re not trying to tell you how to care for your daughter, we simply want to offer our support.”
I’ve put these suggestions together in a presentation that you might find useful for training purposes at school. Please let me know if you find it useful or if you have any suggested additions or amendments.
Other posts you might find helpful
Overcoming pupil objections to informing parents about their eating disorder
The importance of early detection of eating disorders
What can teachers do to help pupils with eating disorders?
