Any advice would be great

Posted 5 months ago

Hi Kezza, Don't be down hearted, you, your D and your family have done an amazing job, recovery is not a straight forward thing, it is easier on some days than others, but keep focused if things go a bit pear shaped one day, just start he next day afresh don't carry it over and keep that focus and belief in recovery clearly in your sights. I remember one dark night I was driving my child the 50 miles back to the unit after a weekend at home, she too turned to me and said when will this change, in the darkness of that night neither she nor I could see the answer, but we both kept believing in it and working towards it. Recovery cannot be rushed, but here now 4 years after that winter drive back to the unit we can are both in that in imaginable future where the ED is no longer king. My daughter has her life back, it is not a life as before, it is changed by the ED but it is her life and she is well and eats happily again.
Another thing that I think I may have mentioned before in another post is that the body recovers and weight restores but it takes time for the mind to catch up and accept the weight gain.
best wishes

Posted 7 months ago

Hi Kezza,
Welcome to this online community, I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's illness and what you and your family have been going through.
I am the administrator for this site, but I am also the mother of a daughter who has anorexia, who is in recovery and is now doing well. It sounds as if you have done well in supporting your daughter and recognising the need for nhs support and working with camhs.
It is always difficult to give specific advice however I suppose generally I would say try to listen to what she saying, help her to feel safe but at the same time try to be clear on your expectations, but make those expectation reasonable. I made loads of mistakes with my daughter I am sure mainly because I was such a push over and she knew exactly the right buttons to press to persuade me to push the mealtime back a bit to allow her to do that bit more exercise or maybe just have a slightly smaller portion. There were good days and there were bad days but when things didn't work, I just started again the next day.
We seemed to spend ages in supermarkets, as she read the labels of everything, and then put it back it was as if she didn't want to eat but at the same time she was fascinated by food, she liked to feed everyone else but then would not join us at the dinner table. The rest of my wider family thought that I was a complete pushover as we did not attend family events because she couldn't bear the thought of the food, and I was worried for her safety if I left her at home alone.
I feel that I am rambling a bit I think that I am trying to give you a picture of what my experience was so that if anything similar happens you recognise it. How would I deal with it now? probably not very differently that is because I had to be there for her she had to know that although she was in this very scary place she knew that I was there. I cried a lot, but tried to be consistent with her and tried not to cry in front of her.
My daughter had more or less 2 years of inpatient care and that is what turned her around, it again is not easy for anyone, but her final unit was supportive and enabling, I really don't think that she would have still been here otherwise
All three of my children are now Vegan, they are very healthy, I am vegetarian, it is a change and I recognise that but it needs more planning - my children use protein powders and replacement to ensure that they have the necessary nourishment - so maybe let her be vegetarian, plan menus with her, encourage her to recognise the nourishment that she needs.
I hope that there is something in here that is useful to you,
I wish you the very best